


The Right Thing to Do

by deathbyspaceglam



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Force Visions, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 14:36:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11382225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbyspaceglam/pseuds/deathbyspaceglam
Summary: Finn has some self-doubt and wonders what would have happened if he hadn’t saved Poe and left the First Order.





	1. The First Order's Death Machine

**Author's Note:**

> Written for stormpilotweek. Chapter 1 has the prompt “Alternative meeting” and Chapter 2 will have the prompt “Hurt/Comfort or everyday life”.  
> OK, this got away from me a little and doesn’t strictly follow the prompt, but w/e.

“That was incredibly brave, what you did. Renouncing the First Order, saving this man’s life.”

Was it? Finn wanted so badly to believe it, yet… He closed his eyes and an image surfaced in his mind of Kylo Ren as Finn had seen him last, in their battle.

“That lightsaber, it belongs to me.”

 _Come get it_ , Finn heard himself reply. What did he care about Kylo Ren, the monster who had killed Han Solo and thrown Rey into a tree?

“It’s just us now. Han Solo can’t save you.” And then, “Traitor!”

Suddenly, Finn was on a different battlefield, with a different member of the First Order- Nines, who he’d tried so hard to befriend at the academy, but to no avail.

“Good soldier, Eight-Seven.”

That was Slip, congratulating him on his high score in a battle simulation. Slip had been a friend, or so Finn had thought. At least, more of a friend than anyone else had been.

Finn was back on Jakku, watching as a dying Slip smeared blood on his helmet. It was here that everything had changed. Here, he had refused Phasma’s order to shoot villagers. Why? Was it really compassion, as he’d thought, or was it just the shock of experiencing the real thing after having only been in simulations?

Whatever it was, it hadn’t been a blaster jam.

“FN-2187, please submit your blaster for inspection. And who gave you permission to remove that helmet?”

What would have happened, Finn wondered, if he’d just obeyed orders and that had been the end of that? He allowed himself to imagine an alternate future. The pilot- _Poe_ \- would have been executed, troops on Jakku would have found his droid. Finn- no, FN-2187- would have rejoined his fellow troopers, hardened from battle, and walked with them to the mass assembly, the demonstration of Starkiller’s weapon…  
A chorus of distant screams, quiet at first, then louder. Red streaks crossing the sky with the power to incinerate an entire system, destroying countless lives… and it would have happened again, and again, over and over until there was nothing left in the galaxy but the First Order.

“I’m looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run.”

Yes, he had wanted to run. But the destruction that had followed- of an entire system, of the billions of lives it had held- was something that Finn couldn’t ignore. How could he have lived, inside or outside of the death machine that was the First Order, knowing that he had done nothing to prevent them from destroying more systems, taking more lives?

“Rey and BB-8, they need you.”

Yes, Rey and BB-8 had needed him. But it was more than them. It was more than just the Resistance or the Republic. It was the entire galaxy.

_For want of a bolt, the drive was lost._  
_For want of a drive, the ship was lost._  
_For want of a ship, the pilot was lost._  
_For want of a pilot, the message was lost._  
_For want of a message, the battle was lost._  
_For want of a battle, the Empire was lost._  
_And all for want of a hyperdrive bolt._

Finn, he realized, was the bolt. Without him, the First Order’s death machine had fallen apart.


	2. Lucky to Have You

“You okay, buddy?”

Finn opened his eyes and found Poe looking at him with concern. He reached across the bed and clasped Poe’s hand in his own. “I’m fine.”

“Really? You were mumbling in your sleep, something about death machines…”

“I’m okay,” he repeated. “Just… I guess I was just thinking about what could have been.”

“What do you mean?” asked Poe, his eyes widening slightly.

Finn looked at the ceiling. “What if leaving the First Order wasn’t the right thing to do? I mean, I know it was, but…” He sighed. “I just keep remembering how everyone treated me after I left. They made it sound like I did something wrong by leaving them, which, I mean, of course I did, from their point of view, but…” He rolled his eyes and turned to face Poe again. “I mean, I was raised to think that the First Order was all that mattered. You understand, right?”

Poe nodded. “Don’t worry about it. Realizing something isn’t as great as you once thought isn’t easy.” His eyes softened. “I used to think like that about the Republic. Used to dream about serving in the Republic navy, like my mom in the Rebellion. But once I actually joined them, I noticed that nobody seemed to really care about the emerging First Order.” He glanced at the ceiling. “When… someone close to me died at the hands of the First Order and the Republic didn’t care, I joined the Resistance instead.” He met Finn’s eyes again. “Of course, that was nothing like being raised in the First Order, but I hope you know you’re not alone.”

Finn pressed a kiss to Poe’s fingertips. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“Buddy,” whispered Poe, “ _I’m_ so lucky to have _you_.” Running a thumb over Finn’s cheek, he added, “The First Order was ready to destroy any system in its way. Doing wrong by them, especially when you were raised to think they were all that mattered, is…” He looked around, unsure of what to say. “I hate to steal the General’s words, but she’s right. It was incredibly brave of you.”

Finn tentatively reached out as far as his healing back would allow him and put an arm around Poe. “Thank you.”

Poe cupped a hand around Finn’s face and kissed him gently. “I love you,” he whispered.

“Love you too,” Finn murmured back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have emotions. This has been a fill for stormpilotweek with the prompt hurt/comfort.


End file.
